Hush by Jacqueline Woodson

Author:Jacqueline Woodson
Language: eng
Format: mobi, epub
Publisher: Penguin USA, Inc.
Published: 0101-01-01T00:00:00+00:00

14

IT’S SATURDAY. OUTSIDE IT’S CLOUDY AND cold. The sky’s still that weird silver-gray, the way it never got in Denver. I am fourteen today. When we left Denver I was almost completely flat. That’s not the case anymore. My clothes from last year are too tight. The pants are all too short. The T-shirts curve over my chest in a way that makes the guys at school look twice. When the corner guys hanging out say Hey Neckbone to me, their voices have something else to them. Sometimes they even whisper C’mon over here in a way that makes me walk faster past them.

The coconut cake is store-bought with nothing written on it. Fed money cake, Anna said when she opened the refrigerator and saw the cake there. Once Mama had been a great cook. Now she cooked like she couldn’t care less about the taste of anything. Fed money everything. The Feds send us a check every month—enough to pay rent and buy food and clothes until Daddy finds work. The money from our house is in the bank. Mama says when the time is right, we’ll start looking for a place to buy.

Jehovah willing, she adds.

At night I ask her god to will us to a better place.

This morning, Mama is leaving, Bible in hand. She’s going to spread the good news of Jehovah’s coming kingdom. Mama’s religion forbids celebrating birthdays. No candles on the cake this year. No singing “Happy Birthday.” That’s all behind us now. Lulu and I always found some way to be together on our birthday. Me, her and all of our friends. I want to call her now, say Happy birthday, girlie. Hear her say Right back at you. Same day, a few minutes apart. Less than five pounds. You think we were together in another life? she asked me once, her head on my shoulder.

Yeah, I said. And then we traveled together to this one. Another life. Another time. Lulu.

When I get to the University of Wisconsin, me, Lulu and Grandma will make up for all the birthdays we missed.

This morning, my father came into my room at dawn and said Happy birthday, copper penny. And for a moment, somewhere between waking and dreaming, I believed my father was well again and that we were back in Denver.

When I woke up, and saw we were still in this place, that my father was back at his chair by the window, I said Pennies aren’t made out of copper anymore! Don’t you know that?!

Daddy nodded, his eyes spilling over with sadness.

Sorry, I said.

I sat on his lap even though I am way too big for it, and Daddy put his arms around me, saying I know, sweet Toswiah. I know.

He smelled liked dirty clothes. I swallowed. He’d never smelled this way before. His hair was grown out and uncombed and his hands trembled when he hugged me. When he’d first started being this way, the Feds had given Mama the name of a therapist to take him to.

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